BIG 50. Wow. Lama sudah saya jadi adalah misionari untuk Gereja Yesus Kristus Orang Suci Zaman Akhir⛪
Okay, enough gibberish that y'all swear isn't a language. I PROMISE IT IS😭😭
All jokes lah.
I actually have not taught the restored gospel of Jesus Christ in the Malay macrolanguage since February😭
Anyways, enough about Malay. It'll be used for the spirit prison.
Wow, what a week though.
Let's just say my parents almost gave up hope for me this last week😂😂💉
It's already June. Let's just say May didn't let me off the hook easy. Man, April and May were some two pretty hard months on the mission, I'm not gonna lie. Lockdown that has lasted the entire month of May and continue to last coming into June, tough companion working me past the limits every day. This entire week. Absolute grind of a two months. Man, we did it.
Absolute dead week out here in the Lion City with Elder Hull. Man, we both survived this week. He survived his boredom and I survived my sickness. Crazy. Definitely not your ideal week trying to work hard before Zone Conference.
Had a very chill p-day. Got Chick-fil-a with the district and then walked around the mall. Elder Barker, Elder Moulton, and I just laughing, walking having a great time. Love it. My guys.
P- night: did some Punggol Coast ocean walk. It was alright but mainly the views and the hazy foggy weather is such a calm relaxing way to start the week. Had a call with one of our friends and set up another time to call, which was great. Went home and called it a night.
Tuesday- DCM and district lunch and zone picture. Gave a 35-minute training about baptizing nations. Elder Francis did me so dirty leaving me with so much time left in DCM😂 great start to the work week. Elder Hull and I headed off to Serangoon for studies and finding. We did very little finding and I definitely am starting to implement even more phone work for this week ahead. I think we're going to find some miracles. Did our other finding block in Punggol. Called our on-date at night. Unfortunately, as we were calling our on-date, I started freezing and not feeling too good. We ended up doing takeaway for dinner and man I was dying. We went home 30 minutes early and I knew I had a really big flu/fever
Wednesday- Tuesday night was really bad. Actually slept for 13 hours and kept waking up every hour or two (I think?) full body chills, I would've done anything to fast forward that night. Somehow made it through the night and woke up Wednesday morning. Finally found the strength to get out of bed and made the very long journey all the way from Buangkok to Bugis to get to the hospital. Got some medicine and got swabbed for covid but that's about it. They said to come back on Friday morning if I still felt bad. Rest of the day was just moving from my bed to the couch, and I took a bath too. Which was nice. Slept better but still bad Wednesday night
Thursday- Elder Hull and I completed an entire day at the house. Didn't leave the house once. Elder Hull is such a stud. Actually, never complained once through all this. So grateful for him. Aye we got it done. Slept a lot better Thursday night
Friday- woke up and eventually made our way to Bugis again for the hospital for another checkup. They said pretty much everything was fine and I didn't really have a fever anymore but they were saying I was having upper respiratory problems. Wasn't coughing at all so I don't know. Went back to the house on Friday, took a nap, bath, and then prepared for another long sleep.
Saturday- woke up Saturday after a great sleep and what do you know, my biggest enemy on my mission, the combination of trunkiness and homesickness pit in my stomach combined combo was hitting me so hard. I tried my best to fight against it. Unpacked a little more. Tried reading the scriptures. I prayed. Just an unfortunate trial amidst a waning sickness that the Lord saw fit for me to endure and to go under. I swear at least for me my biggest challenges are just finding the motivation. Having this sorrow. Man. I love being open about this and getting my thoughts down. I read two talks, which crazily enough I was prompted to go allllll the way back and look at old emails and stumbled upon Elder Caldwell's email back in March (crazy random I know) and he put a talk titled "As Many as I Love, I Rebuke and Chasten," then I read, "More than Conquerors through Him that Loved us," from the same general conference
And I loved these talks so much. It's exactly what I needed to hear. This entire last week was so challenging, confusing, hard, lonely, dealing with sickness and a bruised spirit felt like I was being chastened, homesick, couldn't eat. Indeed I was chastened. I am in no position to say I've "learned enough" and that I don't need to suffer anymore. All of these trials the Lord will consecrate for my gain. I became more focused on Jesus Christ and his power. Learned to pray more and harder more earnestly. Learned to go out and still give all you can even if it's not a 100%
To be continued. Saturday, man, I was sick and tired of sitting on that dang couch staring at my phone. I gathered up all my faith and courage and I told Elder Hull, "We're getting out this door, get ready, Elder." I finally ate for the first time in like 4 and a half days. We walked all the way to the MRT and then trained down to Woodleigh. Took all my energy just to make it to Woodleigh Mall. My legs, feet, hands felt so heavy.
I don't usually cry, but when I thought to speak of this reality, I can't even imagine what the Savior felt like when he was carrying his cross.
I felt like I was carrying mine for those 15 minutes. I felt the weight of the world on every step. I just felt so bad for Elder Hull who was grinding this out with me. This kid actually did not murmur or mutter once against me and he deserves my strongest effort to get out the house. I was giving Elder Hull all I had and most importantly, I was trying to give God all I had. I just wanted to show him I cared. For him and his work. I just wanted to show him that I love Singapore, and I wanted to be out here. I had more than a prayer in my heart. I had hope I would feel better, It was placed in Jesus Christ and I had faith and I needed a way to show it through my works, I had charity I wanted to please Elder Hull and God and others. At least invite someone to church. When I was walking, I couldn't even keep my head up it took too much strain on my muscles. I just put one foot in front of the other. I picked up my cross and I walked. I only made it for like 3 hours and then we made it back to the house from Woodleigh Mall but man, I just got home and collapsed onto the couch as Elder Hull was calling our on-date. That night I had felt like I have come off conqueror. Not because of any outside praise or for any accomplishment we achieved, but because I let God Prevail even in the hardest of circumstances. God must prevail. I chose his will over mine and realized that was what was needed to be done. I had given my all the best I could, and I will remember this week of my mission. I offered up so many prayers, and I guess the answers or help didn't come fully until I just stepped out the door. I felt so much more calmer and more peace Saturday night than any of the other nights. I finally didn't feel forsaken by Saturday night.
"All victory and glory is brought to pass unto you through your diligence, faithfulness, and prayers of faith"
Brother and sisters, this is true. I experienced it firsthand. I was able to overcome all feelings of defeat, loss, discouragement, disappointment, trunkiness, whatever--all of it was. All powers of hell combined against me, but brothers and sisters, we're built on the rock of eternity
WE CANNOT FALL.
WE SHALL NEVER PERISH.
GO AHEAD.
Sunday- and what do you know. I woke up Sunday morning and for the most part jumped out of bed. I felt great. Still a little weak, still got exhausted pretty easily but I had also made up my mind there is not a thing stopping me from taking this sacrament. Man, it took me forever to get dressed and we were off. I had texted the branch already like, "Hey, we're coming but we did zero missionary work this week, we will not be welcoming friends, there is no MCM, I just gotta get up to that third floor and take this bread and water😭😭 Obviously I didn't say all of that, but I had told them I was super sick and that we were gonna come and take the sacrament and then leave. Elder Hull and I made it the full hour and then we left. Some members were coming up shaking my hand and man I just had to throw on an exhausted smile one after another. Made our way back home and prepared for another long and boring day cooped up in austville residences.
I am now realizing as I'm typing this Sunday night that as I didn't realize any of this throughout the week that this is all taking place during everyone's first week of summer, missionaries in Sarawak partying and celebrating with members for Gawai (a tribal harvest festival out in Borneo that the Ibans celebrate and go crazy for) there's all tons of sports going on and what not (go Spurs) and yet none of that crossed my mind throughout this last week. I was able to fully focus on my energy towards Jesus Christ and getting better. Definitely not your ideal start to summer but my faith is tremendously deepened and strengthened. I'm grateful for the most part it's over.
I don't think it's a coincidence also that right before hitting my year mark as a missionary, I get my first big sickness as a missionary. I'm not gonna lie there were some moments I was crying. Maybe I needed to learn how to weep. Just wanting to be home or around loved ones. It's hard. But I'm happy it's over. Made it through. God shows me that I am led by him and am successful mostly because of my faithfulness and his power and mercy when I hold on and stay. I was reading "Proved and Strengthened in Christ" by President Eyring at the hospital on Wednesday and man, it's exactly what I needed to read. I'll put the link of it down below. All three talks mentioned in this email are all great talks about overcoming adversity. It was a great week in its own way to strengthen my faith and to learn to pray harder. Let's hope that's the last time I have to go through that on the mission. I love y'all. Very humbling experience, of course. I'm grateful for Sister Marrott our health missionary and modern medicine and hospitals. Thank you for reading this. Zone conference next week here in Singapore. You're the best if you're reading this. I really do love the support and it's so crucial. Continue to have a fun and safe summer🙏🏻 please do not get sick. Have a great week🙏🏻
Tuhan Adalah Raja👑
Elder Barlow🇸🇬❤️🩹
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